What do Geraldine Gruyere, Roxane Cantal, and Mademoiselle Adeline Camembert have in common?
nationalconfidential.com
Why, they're all scantily clad women with French cheeses!
Such blatant imagery would never fly in this here new world, but over in the French Republic parts, The Association of Traditional French Cheese Makers, a nonprofit organization, has published their racy cheese calendar for its eighth consecutive year.
The glossy pages are speckled with images of pinup-style, From' Girls (From being short for Fromage) poised with wheels and wedges of the country's finest cheeses in an effort "to increase sales and smash the unflattering stereotype of the frumpy, French farm wife".
Hanker for a hunka?
Then this juicy bit of undeniable cheese porn is for you.
Why, I bet she's got a couple slices of honied apples, a loaf of chewy bread with a heavy crust, and a rack of lamb or other, hidden somewhere within the immediate vicinity.
Meet Juliette Comte, aka Miss April. Armed with an old carbon microphone, she's a real songbird quite likely crooning away about the wild range of flavors present in this here butternut of a fine mountain cheese.
A far cry from the dowdy, slumpish, farmgirl type, she's certain to never be cast off to Frumpland, or any other dwelling where one is banished to a pair of sweatpants without a beauty routine.
A far cry from the dowdy, slumpish, farmgirl type, she's certain to never be cast off to Frumpland, or any other dwelling where one is banished to a pair of sweatpants without a beauty routine.
The month of May is brought to you by the fierce Ladymiss Roxane Cantal. A sultry, vixen clad in a dominatrix-like romper.
Because nothing screams raw, traditional, luscious-sweet, farmhouse cheese like head to toe black vinyl. Equipped with a red plume in hand, she's like the very Catwoman of French cheese.
Because nothing screams raw, traditional, luscious-sweet, farmhouse cheese like head to toe black vinyl. Equipped with a red plume in hand, she's like the very Catwoman of French cheese.
Here lies Mademoiselle Diane de Valencay proudly displaying the delicate pyramid of a classic mold ripened cheese, as well as over the knee city-slicker, spiked-heeled boots.
Everyone should be as proud to display such a delicious morsel. One perfectly dusted with a salted charcoal ash to maintain its flavor, and keep you cool long enough to make it to your local cheese counter.
Everyone should be as proud to display such a delicious morsel. One perfectly dusted with a salted charcoal ash to maintain its flavor, and keep you cool long enough to make it to your local cheese counter.
The lovely Daphne is seen here with her Vieux-Lille at an arm's length for good reason. This extremely mature cheese is a real stinker, with more funky-funk than Mr. George Clinton himself. A strong contender for being one of the most aggressive cheeses on the market.
You should note that this cheese is simply not for the fainthearted, but then again neither is a real salacious lass like Daphne, and she does make up for her dirty, rotten, stinkin' cheese smashingly with a knockout pair of shiny, disco ball hotpants.
Pair both with a strong beer or black coffee.
Last but certainly not least, there's Miss December, Charlotte de Brillat-Savarin, the buxom vixen armed with a fierce Marie Antoinette updo, dainty ballet slippers, and a wheel of decadent, sinful Brillat-Savarin.
Soft, round, and tasty, this cheese is a rich and creamy variety yielding a thin, edible, snowy rind. It's basically the cheese equivalent to ice cream.
Soft, round, and tasty, this cheese is a rich and creamy variety yielding a thin, edible, snowy rind. It's basically the cheese equivalent to ice cream.
Ah, yes... Triple cream and triple D's, because what could possibly be more enticing and scandalous than 75% butterfat cheese with cleavage to match?
Sex sells my friends, and since the fine fromages are seething with the natural chemical phenylethylamine (PEA) which release endorphins, or what I like to call the “happy hormones", AND are loaded with phosphorus, plus calcium to increase saliva production (and keep the stinkbreath at bay), it can certainly help you get you a whole lot closer to nookie time.
Hopefully by now, the thought of unpasteurized cheeses has ceased to conjure up images of unattractive, portly women and snooty, beret-wearing men with day-old baguettes tucked beneath their arms, the only problem now is...
Will it be the girl or the cheese?
It's a delicate dance, I say.
Choose wisely, or have it all here:
Ménage à Fromage
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