I fancy cheese.
I really fancy cheese...
enough that I devote much of my time to cheese hunting and curious milk capers that get cracking on the interwebs often enough to unveil some highly unusual products.
Frighteningly, there are some folks out there who like to play Frankenstein with their cheeses, and are committing deliberate cheese sins of the unforgiving kind.
Cheesenstein or The Muenster Monster?
Which brings me to these wretched products.
If I may now direct your attention to the following atrocities.
Allow me to begin with this aerosol gem. Varying in scents ranging from iced cupcake frosting to marijuana, gasoline, modeling clay, and as luck would have it, cheddar!
But this isn't any ordinary cheddar, this is a bona fide four ounce bottle of cheddar scented multi-purpose spray.
I mean, who doesn't enjoy a fine mist of cheese to tease the senses? And what sort of useful purposes does one find with such a product?
A hair product?
A room freshener?
A snappyquick paint job?
Insecticide?
Deodorant?
A disinfectant?
enough that I devote much of my time to cheese hunting and curious milk capers that get cracking on the interwebs often enough to unveil some highly unusual products.
Frighteningly, there are some folks out there who like to play Frankenstein with their cheeses, and are committing deliberate cheese sins of the unforgiving kind.
Which brings me to these wretched products.
If I may now direct your attention to the following atrocities.
Allow me to begin with this aerosol gem. Varying in scents ranging from iced cupcake frosting to marijuana, gasoline, modeling clay, and as luck would have it, cheddar!
But this isn't any ordinary cheddar, this is a bona fide four ounce bottle of cheddar scented multi-purpose spray.
I mean, who doesn't enjoy a fine mist of cheese to tease the senses? And what sort of useful purposes does one find with such a product?
A hair product?
A room freshener?
A snappyquick paint job?
Insecticide?
Deodorant?
A disinfectant?
"It's like shoving your face into a bag of Goldfish crackers!"
Fear not, for this product is dye-free!
Thereby, rendering it safe for clothes, linens, or autos
(because nothing says come hither more than bedding that smells of canned Cheetos).
If that's not enough to entice, you'll much enjoy the pheromones excreted by the sweet smell of this ham and cheese fragrance.
Fear not, for this product is dye-free!
Thereby, rendering it safe for clothes, linens, or autos
(because nothing says come hither more than bedding that smells of canned Cheetos).
If that's not enough to entice, you'll much enjoy the pheromones excreted by the sweet smell of this ham and cheese fragrance.
Which led me to think, what if I were to make a plain egg omelette, followed with a light spray of the eau de ham and cheese, then take it all in at once?
Would I enjoy a similar sensation to actually consuming a real ham and cheese omelette?
The nerdy scientist in me begs to know the answer to such inquiries!
I should additionally mention that their esteemed line carries fine products such as Manwax and LavishAsh balms for all your waxy and balmy needs.
Ahem... I digress!
Moving right along.
Boys and girls, behold cheese sauce granules!
Photo Credit: kookychow.com
It's instant cheese, and it's in a can just waiting for you to add water (and to give Cheese Whiz a run for their money!).
Photo Credit: redandwhitekop.com
Just when you thought you couldn't muck up a perfectly good product such as a classic Kit Kat, the Japanese have introduced a Cheese Kit Kat!
Photo Credit: storybookdreamer
There are so many ways in which cheese and chocolate pair beautifully together, but this my friends, is not one of them (even if they are made with 58% Gouda and a fuckton of sugar).
I honestly can't say whether it's a greater atrocity against cheese or chocolate?
Photo Credit: forkparty.com
Yes ladies and gentlefriends, even McDonalds is hopping on the cheesewagon, by having a go at a cheese fondue sandwich!
Blecch!
If perchance you haven't tossed your cookies as of yet, there's always the esteemed cheeseburger in a can, for those of you who fancy extremely fast food.
Yak! My eyes and tastebuds are vomiting and can take no more!
I did however, feel it was important to share these spectacular findings, in case you were horrendous cheese curious.
Methinks I shall stick to frequenting cheese shops and taking in the aromas of the local supermarket cheese aisle, even if the cheeses are suffocating in plastic wrap and weeping.
But, if perchance, you fancy giving cheesespray a go,
you'll find it here:
Don't say I didn't warn you.
x
I did however, feel it was important to share these spectacular findings, in case you were horrendous cheese curious.
Methinks I shall stick to frequenting cheese shops and taking in the aromas of the local supermarket cheese aisle, even if the cheeses are suffocating in plastic wrap and weeping.
But, if perchance, you fancy giving cheesespray a go,
you'll find it here:
Don't say I didn't warn you.
x
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